You know that feeling when you are cleaning the bog and you have to take off the cleaning gloves and of course you touch the gloves in the process defeating the whole purpose anyways? Well that’s how I feel whenever I come across this fashion shit we are all submitted to every month.

Days ago at the Oscars, god oh mighty not a minute went by without some slapper talking about Brad and Angie’s clothes or Beyonce’s tits being “voluptuous tonight”. The whole idea of fashion is a mystery to me. The hate begins with musicians I think, why is it that every so called artist grew up wanting to make music, movies, clothes, perfume, and eventually hearing aid commercials? They didn’t, they couldn’t have because of course they grew up wearing rags and finding food on the streets. Right? Well that’s what the E true Hollywood Story or their ghostwritten autobiography says.

But I digress. The issue at hand is the meaningless mind numbing fashion bonanza that is shoved down our throats every time there is an award show. It’s bad enough that we are submitted to these shows that are let’s face it, basically there to keep the boners of the stars nice and hard, Viagra for the ego if you will. And telling me that there is a difference between men in tuxedos is granting me permission to kick your arse.

Question: What’s the difference between Sean Penn in a tuxedo and Jack Black in a tuxedo?
Answer: The Neverending Story III

“I sold my soul for pie!”

“Oscar Red-Carpet Fashion: Best and Worst”. OMFG! LOLZ! Fashion! My dream! Fuck off. The following is an actual person’s rebuttal to an article on MTV’s website; I won’t post the link because I care about you a little.

“Reading this years MTV best and worst of the red carpet left something to be desired. I am not sure what credentials Jocelyn Vena has that allows such assessments but I strongly disagree with certain choices. Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress was fantastic yet it did not fit her! A woman of her glamour should realize a little bit of mystery is far more sexy…I didn’t have enough time to watch everyone on the red carpet last night and found myself here by searching for all the wonderful couture I missed last night.”

The search is over for the biggest wanker on the internets. The Haute Couture jargon spewed out by even the likes of Ryan Seacrest (surprise) comes off so forced and redundant. Picture your father sitting at home watching the show…how very awkward. Now imagine watching it with him. Yeah, ditto. A Bonnie lassie has every right to dress herself up, I like a woman who takes care of herself. I also like women with a little meat on their bones. The Oscars could have been a secret intervention for half the women walking in there. They stand there with their claes barley covering their visible ribs and I’m supposed to get hot and bothered? Bullocks. Everyone has a right to be ugly, but these people abuse the privilege.

No one I have ever spoken with talks about the fashion at these shows in a positive light. It’s a waste of time and energy to show and talk about what people wear. The shows running even as we speak that highlight the best and worst are being watched by people who I can only imagine are bed ridden and the remote is lost in the sheets somewhere, poor bastards. So to all the “personalities” out there who give a damn about the fashion of the stars…haud yer wheesht!