Jack Sadelstein, a successful advertising executive in Los Angeles with a beautiful wife and kids, who dreads one event each year: the Thanksgiving visit of his identical twin sister Jill. Jill’s neediness and passive-aggressiveness is maddening to Jack, turning his normally tranquil life upside down.

The film is set to be released on November 11th 2011, check out the trailer.

This is not a list.  The following is a wide range of great films that came out in the year 2009.  We strongly urge every Citizen to check out these titles.  Sorry to the Twilight fans; your movie is still arse.  Stay tuned for our most anticipated movies of 2010.  With the exception of ‘The Single Best Movie of the Year’, the rest are in no particular order.

The Single Best Movie of 2009

It was either between this or Funny People; it came down to which one made me laugh more.  It’s not that my main genre is comedy because Observe and Report gave me so much more than laughs as well.  This movie was a delight in every way.  I was happy to see someone make a film with such a dark style and manage to make it hilarious and even kind of touching.  Jody Hill is that person, director of one of my favorites, Eastbound & Down and another genius film; The Foot Fist Way.  He likes to work with his group of regulars including Danny McBride who makes a brief appearance in Observe.  The star however of this show is Seth Rogen (in his last fat role perhaps).  The man put on a terrific performance working alongside Ray Liotta, Michael Pena, and Anna Faris.  Rogen and writer-director Jody Hill created a scary-funny character study about a warped man and his twisted sense of what it means to be a hero.  The great cast met with an great script was just the right ingredients this movie needed to be perfect, and it was.  [Trailer]

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER – [Trailer]
Some might call it this generations Annie Hall, charming yet brutally honest.  Annie Hall being one of my favorite movies of all time certainly holds well over more than twenty years; as will Summer.  This is not a love story, so said the trailer, poster and narration at the top of the film.  And by the end you finally get what it all means.  This is a story that most people can probably relate to, unless you are one of those never to have loved at all…and lost.  I have seen most of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s work, even since his days on 3rd Rock and further back to Angles in the Outfield.  The man does great work, and this might be his best to date.  Watch for him all over the place.

AVATAR - [Trailer] [CoF Review]
I now know what it must have felt like in 1977 after people walked out of Star Wars; something had changed forever.  Will film making and theater going change because of Avatar?  Hard to tell.  All I know is that I had a hell of a time and thoroughly enjoyed myself for three hours.  James Cameron’s visuals are the story and I am not one for 3D or any digital effects for that matter.  I like it old school.  This movie captured both an old school story telling with a new way to provide it.  Well done Sir.

FUNNY PEOPLE – [Trailer]
My brother Paul may be the biggest Sandler fan I know; so he must know better than others the sadness felt from seeing (or avoiding) Adam Sandler’s few past years of work.  This might just be apology Paul has been waiting for. Sandler plays a jaded man who has forgotten why he does what he does and let past loves (both career and a woman) pass him by.  This is a generous, goodhearted, enjoyable movie, loaded with memorable characters and genuine wit.  Apatow certainly cleansed a lot of personal life into this movie, and it’s shared well.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – [Trailer] [CoF Review]
Quentin Tarantino might be the last great director hanging on to a lost world of moviemaking and storytelling, and we love him for it.  He must have a blast making films for himself and his audience, it definitely shows in Basterds.  Tarantino’s visual style and flare for the fantasy make for an intriguing and colorful World War II drama, one that is not in the history books.  You can also just watch it for Waltz’s Oscar caliber performance as well.

MOON – [Trailer]
Not being a huge fan of newer sci-fi movies, I found this to be exactly what the doctor ordered; a timely reminder that science fiction can be intelligent and thoughtful.  Sam Rockwell gave the best performance of his career in this film and he should be nominated for a best actor award for what he did in this movie, he worked incredibly hard – or at least made me think that.  While there are shades of Kubrick’s 2001, Moon has enough that’s original and surprising to make it a new classic.

PRECIOUS – [Trailer] [CoF Review]
Hopeful, heartbreaking and thought-provoking, Precious is one of the best movies of the year.   The film looks unflinchingly into desperate lives and finds little hope.  The film is not heartwarming and won’t leave you with much hope for humankind.  It’s like slowing down at a car crash only to get a glimpse of something shocking. What did you except?  The holy sh*t performance of Mo’Nique should have people talking for a long time; it was seriously something to behold.  We need more movies that don’t necessarily cater to a built in audience, check this one out.

THE HURT LOCKER – [Trailer]
After this film, I felt like I suffered from post-traumatic stress, in the best way possible.  This could be the new definite war movie.  I have Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now and Platoon in the back of my mind; and now The Hurt Locker.  The hand-held camera style and p.o.v shots make this film seem so live; an intense film that deserves more recognition than it has so far.  Come on Oscar, get some!

THE BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS – [Trailer]
Nicolas Cage is out of his mind in The Bad Lieutenant, think if his character from Leaving Las Vegas – a child compared to this.  Cage is so over-the-top as the troubled cop that you will either be repulsed or fascinated by his performance and the movie itself.  Director Werner Herzog speaking about Cage’s performance is quoted as saying, “You will see something extraordinary when you see him on screen. It’s the best he’s ever done.” Yes all I talked about in this snippet was Cage’s performance, so see it.

SHERLOCK HOLMES – [Trailer]
The last movie I saw in 2009, and one of the best; lucky for Guy Ritchie.  Is there anything Robert Downey Jr. can’t do?  He continues his hot streak of performances in one of his best roles ever he makes a stuffy old detective into a badass and charming fellow.   Arthur Conan Doyle should be proud of this fun and witty action movie.  There’s a lot to love about this reimagining of Sherlock Holmes‎, case closed.

UP – [Trailer]
Another masterful work of art from Pixar, Up is an exciting, hilarious, and heartfelt adventure told with wit and depth.  Pure joy and one of the best films of the year. You must have a good story, and this one is a gem. It even made me shed a few tears.  Those Pixar people seemingly know what the heck is up.  Ten for ten! This movie was better than I had expected and I went in with some pretty heavy expectations.  I wasn’t the biggest fan of Wall-E and still think that Nemo is dramatically overrated.  UP was something special, one of the best for years to come.  Funny and full of action, it genuinely surprised me for what it turned out to be.

WATCHMEN – [Trailer] [CoF Review]
In a time where I need another superhero movie like I need an ass on my elbow, enter Watchmen.  One of the ballsiest (hehe blue balls) movies I have ever seen.  It took chances, it took an R rating, and it had a running time akin to a shitty school play.  Alas this movie was inspiring and controversial; what else do you need?  Gritty and visually striking, Watchmen is a faithful adaptation of Alan Moore’s graphic novel, Zack Snyder his crew obviously went to great pains to re-create the novel, it’s a shame this wasn’t as popular as Avatar.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE – [Trailer] [CoF Review]
Some may find WTWTA too dark and off-putting, but Spike Jonze’s heartfelt adaptation of the classic children’s book is as beautiful as it is uncompromising.  Years in the making, and stuck in development hell, we finally got to see it, and it was well worth it.  With its darkness, loneliness, and wonder, it might be the most honest kids’ film of the year.

Raise your hand if you have a masturbation mirror.

1. Star Trek
2. Drag Me To Hell
3. Funny People
4. Up in the Air
5. Chocolate
6. Observe and Report
7. Precious
8. An Education

Tarantino admitted that he has yet to Avatar, The Lovely Bones or Invictus, and that he needs to revisit films like Bright Star and District 9, so they might have the power to make the list.  I like him, but he’s an easy target.  I need to bring him down to my level of greatness.  NOTE: CoF’s annual “Movies you should have seen in (insert year)” is coming soon.  Three of his eight made the list.  Dammit.

cocoa-flavored God

Brought to you by: Penguin Biscuits

To call this delectable delight “just another chocolate bar” is tantamount to a slap in the face.  I had the misfortune of not growing up with such easy access to Penguin Biscuits.  I was tossed out of Scotland at an early age so much of my childhood growing up I was stuck eating shit sticks of Kit kat and Eat-More.  Yuck.  Finally over the last few years they have been made accessible for a reasonable price at local grocers.  They may have been for years, but I didn’t go to a grocery store until in my twenties; due to being a man.  Women be shopin’!  They were first produced in 1932 by biscuit manufacturer in Glasgow.  Each wrapper has a joke or “funny fact” printed on it and imaginative, often humorous designs featuring penguins that often pastiche famous works of art.

• P-p-p-pick up a Penguin! [70’s commercial]
• John Hughes passed away recently, a classic from Planes, Trains & Automobiles.  [YouTube]
• Saw FUNNY PEOPLE, loved it.  Loved the soundtrack too – listen up. [The Playlist]
• The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus UK Trailer. [/Film]
• Louis C.K. Gets Another Shot at Television. [/Film]
• “At The Movies” Gets New Hosts, that show still on? [Dark Horizons]
• Batman Arkham Asylum Demo Opening Cinematic Scene Gameplay & Trailer in HD. [YouTube]

With the summer on its way it’s time to look forward to the movies of summer.  Here are the ones I will be checking out, don’t take offence if your top flick isn’t listed. It’s not you, it’s me…I hate most movies coming out these days.  Ok it’s you.  The usual mix of sequels (Terminator Salvation), prequels (Wolverine), remakes (The Taking of Pelham 123), reboots (Star Trek),  and big screen adaptations (G.I. Joe) will fill the movie house, here are the ones you should see:

Pixar’s Up – Trailer
Starring: Christopher Plummer
Director: Pete Docter; Bob Petersen
Release Date: 29th May 2009

A lot of people liked Wall-E.  I was not one of them.  The movie if a bit more subtle in its message might have done a lot more for me.  Toy Story stands as the best of Pixar’s films.  This May we get UP from Pixar and from what I have seen and heard, it should take its place in the year’s best list.  It’s a sweet story of an old man who wants to live out his dead wife’s lifelong dream to explore the mountains. He does this by befriending a young boy who is an exploration enthusiast. I can’t wait.

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen – Trailer
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox
Director: Michael Bay
Release Date: 26th June 2009

The guilty pleasure of summer.  I shouldn’t have liked the first Transformers movie, but I did.  It was a whole lot of fun to have in the theater and I can’t wait to see some more robots kick ass this summer.  We will likely see some more of Megan Fox’s stomach and Shia will be sure to get his sweat on all over again.  Rumor has it that the ‘Fallen’ are actually a third set of robots, who the Decepticons and Autobots have to team up to destroy. Who cares?

Public Enemies – Trailer
Starring: Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Channing Tatum
Director: Michael Mann
Release Date: 1st July 2009

This might be as close as we get to seeing  Johnny Depp cast opposite Christian Bale as the Riddler as those rumors suggest.   Michael Mann (HEAT) is at the helm so this should be one of the best of the year. Depp is John Dillinger and Bale the man on his trail in this crime thriller set during the crime wave of the 1930s that subsequently gave birth to the FBI.

Brüno – Trailer
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Alice Evans
Director: Dan Mazer
Release Date: 10th July 2009

After the box office gold that was Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat”, the British comedian is back with Bruno.  Bruno is a camp, over the top homosexual who claims to be an Austrian reporter and turns up in less open minded locations in which he is far from welcome; such as the conservative southern states of America, or soccer games.  Bruno once managed to make a spokesman completely change his opinion on Paris Hilton during the interview by claiming that The Hiltons were a key sponsor.

Funny People – Trailer
Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen
Director: Judd Apatow
Release Date: July 31st 2009

The Judd posters are starting to get out of hand, “The # film by…”  Who gives a shit how many movies you got on your IMDB.  Remember that in the Kill Bill trailers, it was bigger than the title screen!  Besides the trailer that was a little too revealing for my taste, it’s obvious we have the writing and acting that we have come to love about the Apatow gang.  Sandler works best with the dramatic mix I think too, Punch Drunk Love anyone?  Seth Rogen’s first movie since he got thin…so there’s that.

Inglourious Basterds – Trailer
Starring: Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger, Eli Roth, Mike Myers
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Release Date: 21st August 2009

This one is more out of curiosity, to see if I can still stand to watch a Tarantino movie without feeling like a giant tool.  The type people who defend him and the type of people who hate him remind me a lot of Kevin Smith followers.  Fan clubs.  I think Tarantino makes movies for his fan club rather than for himself these days, he makes special QT moments in his movies so people will walk away talking about them instead of you know…focusing on the whole picture.  We will see I suppose.

H2: Halloween 2 – Trailer
Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Sheri Moon Zombie
Director: Rob Zombie
Release Date: August 28 2009

I loved the first Halloween Zombie made, whatever you call it – a reinvention, remake, or reboot.  He did it justice, and now more than ever it seems like he got the version that the studio wanted out of the way, he is making something for him and his fans.  If you haven’t seen THE DEVILS REJECTS by the way, you know what you have to do this weekend.  It’s a nice look into the Directors head.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Watchmen – It came out March 6th, so it isn’t a summer movie.  It was one hell of a movie though, one of the year’s best so far.

Observe and Report – Released a few weeks back, this might be the best movie of the year so far.  This dark comedy should be studied.  So funny and interesting, I didn’t know Seth Rogen had this character in him.  Check it out.

WHY NOT?

X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I wish I could say that the reason I didn’t see it was because I saw a 100% bootleg version but I can’t.  I wouldn’t even watch that.  I have no interest in this story, and the taint on the X-Men movies still hasn’t washed away, and I’ve been taking four showers a day since X3.

Star Trek – The Starfeet looks to have an average age of 20 years old.  That’s what I want in a Star Trek movie, some kids from the park running around with phasers.

The trailer for FUNNY PEOPLE is out and about and looks to be another winner for the Apatow crew.  The poster on the other hand…it took me a few days to realize that was Seth Rogen, I actually thought it was Sean Astin.  No?  Just me?What’s with the page out of Tarantino’s playbook with the “3rd film by me” gimmick.  Could you imagine if every director did that?  “The 15th film by Rob Reiner”.

Ok moving on.  The trailer is a little too revealing for my taste but Apatow can’t seem to do any wrong.  Except when he puts his name on things that end in Zohan.  Never again.