This is not a list. The following is a wide range of great films that came out in the year 2009. We strongly urge every Citizen to check out these titles. Sorry to the Twilight fans; your movie is still arse. Stay tuned for our most anticipated movies of 2010. With the exception of ‘The Single Best Movie of the Year’, the rest are in no particular order.
The Hollywood Reporter had a chance to ask Quentin Tarantino about his favorite films of 2009, and the filmmaker responded with eight movies, yes sir – eight. He just had to be different!
Raise your hand if you have a masturbation mirror.
1. Star Trek
2. Drag Me To Hell
3. Funny People
4. Up in the Air
5. Chocolate
6. Observe and Report
7. Precious
8. An Education
Tarantino admitted that he has yet to Avatar, The Lovely Bones or Invictus, and that he needs to revisit films like Bright Star and District 9, so they might have the power to make the list. I like him, but he’s an easy target. I need to bring him down to my level of greatness. NOTE: CoF’s annual “Movies you should have seen in (insert year)” is coming soon. Three of his eight made the list. Dammit.
cocoa-flavored God
Brought to you by: Penguin Biscuits
To call this delectable delight “just another chocolate bar” is tantamount to a slap in the face. I had the misfortune of not growing up with such easy access to Penguin Biscuits. I was tossed out of Scotland at an early age so much of my childhood growing up I was stuck eating shit sticks of Kit kat and Eat-More. Yuck. Finally over the last few years they have been made accessible for a reasonable price at local grocers. They may have been for years, but I didn’t go to a grocery store until in my twenties; due to being a man. Women be shopin’! They were first produced in 1932 by biscuit manufacturer in Glasgow. Each wrapper has a joke or “funny fact” printed on it and imaginative, often humorous designs featuring penguins that often pastiche famous works of art.
With the summer on its way it’s time to look forward to the movies of summer. Here are the ones I will be checking out, don’t take offence if your top flick isn’t listed. It’s not you, it’s me…I hate most movies coming out these days. Ok it’s you. The usual mix of sequels (Terminator Salvation), prequels (Wolverine), remakes (The Taking of Pelham 123), reboots (Star Trek), and big screen adaptations (G.I. Joe) will fill the movie house, here are the ones you should see:
Pixar’s Up – Trailer
Starring: Christopher Plummer
Director: Pete Docter; Bob Petersen
Release Date: 29th May 2009
A lot of people liked Wall-E. I was not one of them. The movie if a bit more subtle in its message might have done a lot more for me. Toy Story stands as the best of Pixar’s films. This May we get UP from Pixar and from what I have seen and heard, it should take its place in the year’s best list. It’s a sweet story of an old man who wants to live out his dead wife’s lifelong dream to explore the mountains. He does this by befriending a young boy who is an exploration enthusiast. I can’t wait.
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen – Trailer
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox
Director: Michael Bay
Release Date: 26th June 2009
The guilty pleasure of summer. I shouldn’t have liked the first Transformers movie, but I did. It was a whole lot of fun to have in the theater and I can’t wait to see some more robots kick ass this summer. We will likely see some more of Megan Fox’s stomach and Shia will be sure to get his sweat on all over again. Rumor has it that the ‘Fallen’ are actually a third set of robots, who the Decepticons and Autobots have to team up to destroy. Who cares?
Public Enemies – Trailer
Starring: Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Channing Tatum
Director: Michael Mann
Release Date: 1st July 2009
This might be as close as we get to seeing Johnny Depp cast opposite Christian Bale as the Riddler as those rumors suggest. Michael Mann (HEAT) is at the helm so this should be one of the best of the year. Depp is John Dillinger and Bale the man on his trail in this crime thriller set during the crime wave of the 1930s that subsequently gave birth to the FBI.
Brüno – Trailer
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Alice Evans
Director: Dan Mazer
Release Date: 10th July 2009
After the box office gold that was Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat”, the British comedian is back with Bruno. Bruno is a camp, over the top homosexual who claims to be an Austrian reporter and turns up in less open minded locations in which he is far from welcome; such as the conservative southern states of America, or soccer games. Bruno once managed to make a spokesman completely change his opinion on Paris Hilton during the interview by claiming that The Hiltons were a key sponsor.
Funny People – Trailer
Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen
Director: Judd Apatow
Release Date: July 31st 2009
The Judd posters are starting to get out of hand, “The # film by…” Who gives a shit how many movies you got on your IMDB. Remember that in the Kill Bill trailers, it was bigger than the title screen! Besides the trailer that was a little too revealing for my taste, it’s obvious we have the writing and acting that we have come to love about the Apatow gang. Sandler works best with the dramatic mix I think too, Punch Drunk Love anyone? Seth Rogen’s first movie since he got thin…so there’s that.
Inglourious Basterds – Trailer
Starring: Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger, Eli Roth, Mike Myers
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Release Date: 21st August 2009
This one is more out of curiosity, to see if I can still stand to watch a Tarantino movie without feeling like a giant tool. The type people who defend him and the type of people who hate him remind me a lot of Kevin Smith followers. Fan clubs. I think Tarantino makes movies for his fan club rather than for himself these days, he makes special QT moments in his movies so people will walk away talking about them instead of you know…focusing on the whole picture. We will see I suppose.
H2: Halloween 2 – Trailer
Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Sheri Moon Zombie
Director: Rob Zombie
Release Date: August 28 2009
I loved the first Halloween Zombie made, whatever you call it – a reinvention, remake, or reboot. He did it justice, and now more than ever it seems like he got the version that the studio wanted out of the way, he is making something for him and his fans. If you haven’t seen THE DEVILS REJECTS by the way, you know what you have to do this weekend. It’s a nice look into the Directors head.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Watchmen – It came out March 6th, so it isn’t a summer movie. It was one hell of a movie though, one of the year’s best so far.
Observe and Report – Released a few weeks back, this might be the best movie of the year so far. This dark comedy should be studied. So funny and interesting, I didn’t know Seth Rogen had this character in him. Check it out.
WHY NOT?
X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I wish I could say that the reason I didn’t see it was because I saw a 100% bootleg version but I can’t. I wouldn’t even watch that. I have no interest in this story, and the taint on the X-Men movies still hasn’t washed away, and I’ve been taking four showers a day since X3.
Star Trek – The Starfeet looks to have an average age of 20 years old. That’s what I want in a Star Trek movie, some kids from the park running around with phasers.
The trailer for FUNNY PEOPLE is out and about and looks to be another winner for the Apatow crew. The poster on the other hand…it took me a few days to realize that was Seth Rogen, I actually thought it was Sean Astin. No? Just me?What’s with the page out of Tarantino’s playbook with the “3rd film by me” gimmick. Could you imagine if every director did that? “The 15th film by Rob Reiner”.
Ok moving on. The trailer is a little too revealing for my taste but Apatow can’t seem to do any wrong. Except when he puts his name on things that end in Zohan. Never again.
