I like action movies; I like huge battles, and epic encounters. What I don’t like is Hollywood’s attempt to ‘catch lightning in a bottle’ so to speak. The concept of medieval warfare in film has been a common combination for a great number of years. With the improvement of computer graphic technology, the creation of such movies has been greatly increased in the last decade. Unfortunately for us, this means that the number of copy-cat movies have drastically increased as well, leaving the whole genre rather watered down. To sum it up, I am getting bored of middle age ‘macho-ism’ and I want to know why that is. To figure that out we need to look back over the last decade and find out what it is that made us give up on a genre that had kept so many moviegoers coming back for more.
Marlon Wayans and a guy that starred in Dorm Daze 2. A blockbuster combo. (Dungeons and Dragons)
I have to ask something, why is it that any movie with swords and shields, wizards and warlocks; are required to be insanely long? I mean seriously, The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, for instance has a run time of 158 minutes. Joan only lived until 19 years of age, is there really that much to be covered about her war against the English that couldn’t have been done with 60 minutes less? I am not saying it was a boring movie or anything, wait, never mind, that is exactly what I am saying. It could get worse, and it does. What happens when you take a popular game for nerds worldwide, and you combine it with the ‘star’ of such classics as White Chicks, and the Scary Movie franchise? Well you get the absolutely dreadful Dungeons and Dragons, shame on you Jeremy Irons. That is for this movie, Man in the Iron Mask, and Kingdom of Heaven.
Fear not, it’s can’t all be doom and gloom. Where Joan and Snails (to name a few) let us down, Frodo and Gandalf were there to peak our interest. The vision of Tolkien and the direction of Peter Jackson brought a 3 year reprieve and a much needed diversion from sword fighting, wizard wandering, dragon-slaying debacles. The big budget blockbuster brought together action, comedy, and an a-list of actors such as Sir Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Cate Blanchett, Orlando Bloom, Christopher Lee and Viggo Mortensen to name a few. The more time that passes, and the more I examine similar movies released since, the more I can appreciate the Lord of the Rings trilogy for what it was. Which was an above average film series critically and commercially successful worldwide.
They say mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery; I speak for moviegoers everywhere when I say thanks but no thanks. The years following the success of the Lord of the Rings trilogy have brought several really terrible films. Eragon, based off the novel written by a 15 year old, was absolutely horrible. Talking dragons, watered down villains, sissy main characters, it was just a total debacle. Jeremy Irons, I have another bone to pick with you, did you read the script before you signed on for this one? Did Dungeons and Dragons teach you nothing? I shouldn’t blame just Jeremy Irons, John Malcovich made the same mistake of being in this one. They aren’t the only one’s to blame. Clive Owen starring in King Arthur, Brad Pitt in Troy, Colin Farrell playing the part of Alexander; just a few off of the top of my head. All of the above have strong enough star power to avoid such stinkers.
Jeremy Irons in 'Kingdom of the Man in the Iron Dungeons and Eragon'.
My final plea is plain and simple. No more kings, no more wizards, no more swords, and no more dragons. I know this will fall on deaf ears. As we speak, Legend of the Seeker is gearing up for a second season of wizards, warriors, and yeah, you get the idea. I am not saying that there aren’t quality films that fall into this category, nor am I saying that new movies worth seeing won’t ever be made again. What I am saying is that because the cost of digitally creating such elaborate creations has decreased, they are becoming more popular than ever to make. Let’s face it; a night at the movies isn’t cheap. I don’t know about you, but when I spend my hard earned money to see the ‘latest blockbuster’ I want a certain degree of ‘bang of my buck’. So Hollywood (and Jeremy Irons), if you are listening, put the swords down, dismount from your horses and let sleeping dragons lie.
Haven’t Had Enough? For Your Viewing Pleasure.
Sir Ian McKellen schools Ricky Gervais on the intricacies of acting.
What a steamy pile.
The trailer contains pretty much all of the cool scenes from this one.
Arthur duels with the Black Knight. It’s just a flesh wound!
Tags: Alexander, Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Christopher Lee, Clive Owen, Dungeons and Dragons, Elijah Wood, Eragon, Ian McKellen, Jeremy Irons, King Arthur, Kingdom of Heaven, Legend of the Seeker, Lord of the Rings, Man in the Iron Mask, Marlon Wayans, Orlando Bloom, peter jackson, Scary Movie, story of joan of arc, Troy, viggo mortensen, White Chicks
