CoF Presents: The Worst Gifts For The Film Lover

December 24th, 2009 by Graham McMorrow

worstgiftsLet’s face it, it happens to all of us at some time. Christmas rolls around and your ‘out of touch relatives’ provide you with a gift that leaves you muttering under your breath, begging for a gift receipt. While there are many gifts that could easily enhance a movie lover’s experience with their hobby, there are an equal number of total duds. Consider this fair warning on what NOT to get that movie lover on your shopping list. Nobody wants a pink-bunny-pajama-suit-esque present wrapped neatly under Christmas tree, just ask Ralphie.



crate

DVD Crate – Mini crates, to put your movies into, this was a big fad a couple of years ago that you could find in one of those overpriced movie/music stores. The fact that it holds approximately 8 movies is an insult to the movie lover on your list. If you want to put anymore than that in it, they are going to be sticking out the side as well as hiding the movies stacked behind it. Get real, it’s a glorified milk crate. Want to watch The Dark Knight? Sure, let me pull it out, it’s underneath the half and half.

bruceleeBruce Lee Ultimate Collection – Someone really fu*ked up here. This is an insult. Where do we begin? Okay, for starters this DVD collection includes: The Big Boss/Fist of Fury / Way of the Dragon / Game of Death / Game of Death II. One of these things is not like the others. Game of Death II is a sequel to Bruce Lee’s last and partially completed film Game of Death. Due to Bruce Lee’s untimely death, the film uses stock film from Lee’s old films; mostly from Enter the Dragon. Aside from the English dub giving the “Bruce Lee” character the name “Billy Lo,” this movie would seem to have no connection with Robert Clouse’s film. That’s right kids, besides the fact that this collection is anything but ultimate – they even manage to spit on the man’s grave. Could be worse.

Ambient Fire 3rd Edition: Ultimate Video Fireplace – Another “ultimate” DVD. Give me Cancer. This is such a joke – we all laugh and talk of the fire place channel annually, yes I too get a kick out of the man’s hand coming into the shot to poke the logs. A nice looking fire and nice music, BUT a DVD!? Get off it. If I got this as any form of gift, even ironically; I would go Silent Night Deadly Night so fast…Expect this on Blu-Ray next year.

crapders

Movie Themed Monthly Calendars – For an entire month does anyone want to look at a forgettable scene from a summer blockbuster? How about a so-so actor? They release these things after the movie is popular, and a few months past that the calendar doesn’t even make sense anymore. Before the year is up, there is already a sequel, and re-imagination. Or it might just suck to have, like Twilight. That gift sucks

actioncrap

Bad Action FiguresCollectors items are one thing, but some action figures are put on the shelf by Hitler himself, this I am sure. They look nothing like what they did in the film – even for cheap plastic standards. They have odd weapons and or vehicles. Why would The Flash need a motorcycle? Let’s give Superman a baseball bat whilst we’re at it. When I was young, I would play with my toys for hours on end. They moved right, stood on their own for ornaments. Padme crying, just what I needed Mum.

"Oh, Patch Adams on DVD..."

"Oh, Patch Adams on DVD..."

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